so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
My butt remains clenched, sir.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
