The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
