Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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