Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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