Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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