she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
