Little spoons don't ask big questions
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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