Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
