Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
