i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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