We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I just forgot I was standing up.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Randomize
