Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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