hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
