but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
