I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
we should paint friendship bongs
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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