He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Randomize
