he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
