I seem to have left my pride at pride
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize