dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
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