we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
