That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
