I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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