how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
