oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
