Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
MIDGETS
????
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
