I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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