Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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