I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
she peed on how many people?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
