dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
