My friends, they love my intelligence
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
