I hate all girls vehemently.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
