apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
