Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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