I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
