Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
