This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
