Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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