We got so high we made milksteak
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Randomize
