Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
