new low.... made out with someone while peeing
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
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