Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Randomize
