Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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