My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
