Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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