Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
