Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Randomize
