I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Randomize