Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
