the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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