textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
