I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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