Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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