I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Randomize
