If that was your dad, he is hot
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
i used baking grease as lip gloss
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
