he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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