Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
