Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
