i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Semen is not good for contacts.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Found your dick twin last night
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
this hospital has no fireball
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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