i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
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My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
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2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize