are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
