Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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