So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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