She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I AM VODKA MAN
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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