At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Randomize
