It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
