I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
