if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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