You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
