Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
