OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
