And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
