So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
