i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
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