I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
