yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
