Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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