Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
