even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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