"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
