she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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