Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
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